Why Women Have Affairs With Their Hairdresser?

The Sort of Affair to Make a Girl Feel Shabby

December 3, 2000
By MARY ROBBINS

I've had my fair share of one-night stands.

Most of my friends have, too.

It's not always a matter of
promiscuity; sometimes it's about convenience or necessity.

If you are not in a long-term relationship, these dalliances are
irrelevant. My friend Jennifer never sees the same guy more than
three or four times. It's not that she doesn't like these guys;
she's just not ready to settle down. But unlike Jennifer, most of
the women I know are in serious relationships, and so cheating   be
it a one-night stand or a more serious transgression   can be
dangerous stuff. I know, because not long ago I got caught.

I had cheated in the past and managed to cover my tracks, but this
time was different. I was sitting in the chair and Michael was
standing behind me. We were both staring straight ahead into the
mirror, and as Michael ran his hands through my hair he asked the
dreaded question, "Has someone else cut your hair?"

Hair affairs may seem trivial in the greater scheme of things. We
live in desperate crazy times. There is suffering and uncertainty
everywhere. But on some basic level we cling to careful coiffing as
a way to survive the havoc and horror   life is messy, but your
hair doesn't have to be.

New York has plenty of havoc and horror, and so, not surprisingly,
a lot of New York women get their hair done. This idea may conjure
up images of older women with helmets of hair lacquered into large
and gravity- defying shapes, but that's not what getting your hair
done means. It means having hair that looks natural, which, of
course, can be achieved only by the most rigorously artificial
methods. It includes not only regular trims and cuts, but also
blowouts for daily life and more serious styles for parties. And of
course, for 99 percent of the blond population, getting your hair
done includes getting it colored.

You end up spending a lot of time with your hairdresser, and as a
matter of course the relationship will become rather involved, a
marriage of sorts. As in real marriages, women in hair marriages
sometimes feel they are not getting enough attention. They lust
after other stylists and go astray. Sometimes stylists feel abused
or put upon by unreasonable demands. And sometimes one or both
parties simply fall out of love.

"I stayed with my colorist for five years," said Laura Valdivia, a
filmmaker from Los Angeles. "He was great, but in the end I left
because he started to book way too many people. He was always late
and he wasn't really paying attention to anyone. Everybody ended up
looking the same."

Karen Groos, a young Upper East Side mother, confessed, "I cheat
on my hairstylist all the time with the cheapo guy down the
street."

Infidelity and abuse are the leading causes of hair discord and
divorce, but my first bad breakup was simply about hair itself. I
wanted it short; Steven thought it was a mistake. I pleaded. He
argued. I insisted. He relented. He was right. I looked hideous. I
was devastated. So was he. So it goes.

We saw each other a few more times, but the magic was gone.

After I left Steven, I floated from one meaningless cut to another,
unwilling or unable to commit. These breakups take their toll, and
when a third party is involved the trauma is even worse.

A friend of mine got involved in an awkward m nage à trois. She
was seeing a colorist/stylist and was extremely happy with his
talent as a colorist, but was less than impressed by his styling
ability. One day on the spur of the moment she went into his salon
for a cut. He was not there but his partner   the co-owner of the
salon   was, and he offered to cut her hair. She accepted.

The partner was a wonderful stylist, she was thrilled with her
haircut and thus it began: secret trysts with the partner when the
colorist was not in the salon. She knew she had ventured into
dangerous territory, but she couldn't help herself. Naturally, the
day came when her secret was exposed. The colorist caught my friend
and his partner in mid-trim.

"The next time I went to see my colorist, he was a bit frosty," my
friend said. "There was an undercurrent of hostility and drama. He
never confronted me, but he did start to make snide comments about
his partner."

Eventually, the partnership dissolved.

My friend told me this story with the strict understanding that no
names would be used. Our conversation had a menacing Watergate
vibe. She was afraid.

"A lot of women are afraid," said Alex Kramer, a photo editor for
the Luxuryfinder Web site. "They feel this trepidation with their
hairdressers. They go to someone else, and then they run around
terrified of being found out."

Hairdressers should not be underestimated. Ron Levin, a top
colorist at Pierre Michel on East 57th Street, has a client list of
heavyweights like Eve Weinstein, the wife of the Miramax
co-chairman Harvey Weinstein; Anne Hearst; and Ingrid Rockefeller.
He is eternally overbooked and consequently in a position of power.
I asked him about women who abused their relationship with him.
"They don't get the A- list treatment," he replied dismissively.

The A-list treatment is crucial; it is one of the primary reasons
for remaining in a monogamous relationship. It means you can get
last- minute appointments and special favors that B-list people can
only dream about.

Mr. Levin is certainly emotionally invested in his long-term hair
relationships. Once, when he moved to a busier salon, he had a
client who deserted him after 15 years. "She never liked coming to
the new salon," he said. "She just stopped coming. It was such a
close relationship, it broke my heart."

Close relationships and broken hearts. This "somebody done
somebody wrong" theme brings me back to my own tawdry philandering
and Michael and the dreaded question, "Has someone else cut your
hair?"

I fumbled through the standard lies. "I was in London," I said.
"It was an emergency haircut. I had no choice. It didn't mean
anything."

We survived the appointment, but it was awkward.

I still loved Michael, but my adultery hung in the air   an
unpleasant fact that could not be altered. . When I left I was
relieved to be out of the salon, and I haven't been back there
since.

Now, as I contemplate my shame, I think over what Mark Garrison,
whose Madison Avenue salon is a mecca for hairstyling connoisseurs,
told me about infidelity.

"Women tend to project their guilt onto the stylist," he said. "I
had a client who came in to get a bad cut fixed. She said she had
been in Paris the week before, but there were tiny hairs all over
her. She had obviously been to a salon that day. Paris was just
down the street."

Was he upset?

"No," he said. "I am happy when clients come back. I think hair is
a very forgiving medium; it always grows."

Not all stylists are so open-minded, but maybe hair is a forgiving
medium. Maybe I should try to patch things up with Michael. We
could put the indiscretions behind us and start anew. I feel
hopeful.

I think I can be virtuous.

I think I can be true to Michael.

Then again, I think I have
developed a serious hair crush on Mark Garrison.


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