Marriage Definitions (humor)
From Lee Daniel Quinn's book, Quinn's Devious Dictionary:
MARRIAGE, n.
[1] the dawn of romance and the commencement of history;
[2] a word that should be pronounced as "mirage";
[3] an event, for the upper middle class, is the only adventure left;
[4] a very good way to promote civilization - if you get a good wife you
will be happy, if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher
{Socrates};
[5] a process much like a cafeteria - you carefully look over the choices,
select what looks the best - and pay later;
[6] an event which is called "tying the knot" - unfortunately, the knot
can be a noose;
[7] a word which always means commitment - but so does insanity;
[8] a ceremony favored in England - it's the only way to beat their cold
winters and lack of central heating;
[9] something that changes the demeanor of a driver - there is no longer
any effort needed to keep both hands on the wheel;
[10] the only permanent cure for love;
[11] is only compatible when the man makes a living and his wife makes
living worthwhile;
[12] the only adventure open to the cowardly;
[13] something which is called a feast - unfortunately, sometimes the
appetizer is better than the main course;
[14] a group which consists of: a master, a mistress, and two slaves,
making in all, two;
[15] the alliance of two people, one who never remembers birthdays, and
the other who never forgets them;
[16] the process that turns a female from an attraction into a
distraction;
[17] a legal custom which turns a man into the captive audience of his
wife;
[18] that ceremony which makes more strange bedfellows than politics;
[19] a rite where two people, under the influence most violent, most
insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, are required to
swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal and exhausting
condition until death do them part;
[20] occurs where a man gets hooked by his own line;
[21] in America, is the only legal method of suppressing freedom of
speech;
[22] is made out of two toothbrushes but a single tube of toothpaste;
[23] is just a three-ring circus: engagement, wedding, and suffer;
[24] the process of finding out the kind of guy your wife would have
preferred;
[25] a condition where no wife gets what she expected, and no husband
expected what he was getting;
[26] the ceremony which provides a man with something that, sooner or
later, he will find he can't blame on the government;
[27] a tradition which would suffer considerably if men had to pay the
minister the same fee they will eventually have to pay the divorce lawyer;
[28] is much like a pair of shears, so joined so the parts cannot be
separated, often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing
anyone who tries to come between them;
[29] the continuous process of getting used to things you never expected;
[30] a status which depends upon two to be successful but only one to turn
into a failure;
[31] is a book in which the first chapter is written in poetry and the
rest of the pages is prose;
[32] a bargain, and a sensible person understands that someone must get
the better of any bargain;
[33] in Japanese is called "Judo" - the art of conquering by yielding.
This is the western equivalent of "Yes, dear";
[34] a confrontation which always demands the greatest understanding of
the subtle art of insincerity possible between two human beings;
[35] is not a word, but a sentence;
[36] a delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy;
[37] an investment that pays big dividends if you manage to keep up the
interest.
|
