Why Singles Groups Are Born To Die

Why Singles Groups Are Born To Die?

I want to share a fantasy with you. Trust me: it will explain everything you need to know about why singles groups are born to die.

Part 1 - The Fantasy
Part 2 - The Real World
Part 3 - Who's Socially Advantaged and Who's Not?
Part 4 - Am I Socially Advantaged or Disadvantaged, A Quick Test?
Part 5 - Should I join a singles group?
Part 6 - Why singles groups die?

Part 1 - The Fantasy Top

Imagine a world in which there are only socially advantaged singles -- A utopian world where everyone has the social skills and inclinations to connect and meet any and all singles they want without needing organized singles groups. No loneliness, no boredom and always more than enough romance for everyone (albeit if only sexually fueled and driven) with whomever, whenever, however and without bounds.

In my fantasy world, there's some short-lived sadness, disappointments and dissolute relationships, just as in reality. But not for long because new pleasurable relationships abound and are our anesthesia to hide our past pain and problems. Oh yes, a fantasy single life of peaks, valleys and deserts like real single life, but deserts and valleys not for long.

In my fantasy world, there are no singles groups. Maybe internet hangouts and hookups but no organized singles groups needed for us to connect.

In my fantasy world, all our "baggage" got lost on some insignificant surreptitious flight long ago.

In my fantasy world, there's always someone for everyone, anytime, all the time. A Camelot.

Part 2 - The Real World Top

Wrong. The first fantasy fallacy is that singles are not just a group of only socially advantaged (SA) singles. We are also socially disadvantaged (SDA) singles. More about this below.

Wrong again. Many singles, especially we testosterone-fueled males, are driven by the excitement of the chase and conquest. Without a challenge of something seemingly difficult, many singles would become bored and disinterested quickly. No excitement of the hunt. All relationships would be rapid-fire only, seemingly no painful endings, just eternal pleasurable beginnings.

And, wrong again. We are all inevitably scarred and wounded creatures of our past.

The tooth fairy does not exist!

Part 3 - Who's Socially Advantaged and Who's Not? Top

I have observed that all we singles can be categorized as having distinctly different "social abilities" and "social connect abilities." We are either socially advantaged (SA) or socially disadvantaged (SDA) -- We are either connectable, or we are not.

Please read no further if you are socially insecure and easily offended.

SA and SDA singles have both a "state of mind" and a "state of body:"

	Mind	Body
Socially advantaged (SA)	Not angry, smiling, easy to approach, easy to talk with, good reputation, cast a positive pleasant aura, high self-esteem, high self-confidence, self-supportive etc.	"Correct" height, weight, age, dress, complexion, hair etc. in the "eyes of the beholder"
*Socially disadvantaged* *(SDA)*	Angry, not smiling, difficult to approach, difficult to talk with, poor reputation, cast a negative aura, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, not self-supportive etc.	Nothing physically attractive to almost everyone

SA singles are connectable.
SA singles are attracted to and by other SA singles.
SA singles are not attracted to or by SDA singles.
SA singles can become SDA singles by displaying any SDA characteristics or by being socially disinclined.

SDA singles are not connectable.
SDA singles are not attracted to or by other SDA singles.
SDA singles are not attracted to or by anyone, not even other SDA singles.
SDA singles cannot become SA singles no matter what they do or don't do.

Part 4 - Am I Socially Advantaged or Disadvantaged, A Quick Test? Top

Here's a quick test to determine if you are socially advantaged (SA) or
socially disadvantaged (SDA):

Self-Determination Test

Am I happy with friends and relationships I have and don't have?

Answer Yes, and you're probably socially advantaged (SA)
Answer No, and you're probably socially disadvantaged (SDA)

If you think you're SA, you probably are.
If you are not sure, you're probably SDA.

Part 5 - Should I join a singles group? Top

Singles groups are not for everyone. Check out a group before you join. Only join if the group is what you want and like. Go with no expectations -- expect no Mr. or Mrs. Right, no fun, no "connections" etc. You can't be disappointed, and you'll be pleasantly surprised!

Part 6 - Why singles groups die? Top

There are singles groups because we do not live in a fantasy world of only socially advantaged (SA) singles. In the real world are also socially disadvantaged (SDA) singles too. But why do successful singles groups die?

Singles groups die because they inevitably become disproportionately SDA singles. The SA singles "connect" and the SDA singles do not. A simple hypothetical example:

Let's assume four SA single friends want to start a singles group and have four parties. Two new singles join at each party, one SA and one SDA. Each new SA single "connects" with a SA single. The SDA singles do not "connect."

Look what happens: the group that started as all SA singles becomes a group of all SDA singles. A singles group that dies because it was successful.

	SA		SDA		Total #
	#	%	#	%	Join	Connect	Not Connect
Start	4	100	0	0	4	0	4
Party 1	3	75	1	25	6	2	4
Party 2	2	50	2	50	8	4	4
Party 3	1	25	3	75	10	6	4
Party 4	0	0	4	100	12	8	4

I am privy to one singles group's information confirming that successful singles groups do die. SkFriends started four years ago in Greensboro, NC with 500 singles at the end of year one, mostly SA singles. Party sizes in year one were 200-300. The database increased almost 10X to nearly 5,000 in the 4th year, but most parties were still only 200-300.

As best I can determine: 1) More than 2,000 SkFriends coupled or married, 2) Less than 5 of the original 500 SA singles are still active and 3) The percentage of SDA singles increased significantly each year, much like the example above.

Realizing its success was its failure, SkFriends founder stopped Memberships this year.

Singles groups are born to die!

The Street Doctor
January 2002