One advantage of marriage It seems to me Is that when you fall out of
love with him Or he falls out of love with you It keeps you together until
maybe you fall in again.
--Judith Viorst
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence
--Henry Louis Mencken
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second
marriage is the triumph of hope over experience
--Oscar Wilde
Marriage is like a pair of shears. Oft times working in opposite
directions, but punishing anyone that comes between them.
--Sydney Smith
From Lee Daniel Quinn's book, Quinn's Devious Dictionary:
MARRIAGE, n.
[1] the dawn of romance and the commencement of history;
[2] a word that should be pronounced as "mirage";
[3] an event, for the upper middle class, is the only adventure left;
[4] a very good way to promote civilization - if you get a good wife you
will be happy, if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher
{Socrates};
[5] a process much like a cafeteria - you carefully look over the choices,
select what looks the best - and pay later;
[6] an event which is called "tying the knot" - unfortunately, the knot
can be a noose;
[7] a word which always means commitment - but so does insanity;
[8] a ceremony favored in England - it's the only way to beat their cold
winters and lack of central heating;
[9] something that changes the demeanor of a driver - there is no longer
any effort needed to keep both hands on the wheel;
[10] the only permanent cure for love;
[11] is only compatible when the man makes a living and his wife makes
living worthwhile;
[12] the only adventure open to the cowardly;
[13] something which is called a feast - unfortunately, sometimes the
appetizer is better than the main course;
[14] a group which consists of: a master, a mistress, and two slaves,
making in all, two;
[15] the alliance of two people, one who never remembers birthdays, and
the other who never forgets them;
[16] the process that turns a female from an attraction into a
distraction;
[17] a legal custom which turns a man into the captive audience of his
wife;
[18] that ceremony which makes more strange bedfellows than politics;
[19] a rite where two people, under the influence most violent, most
insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, are required to
swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal and exhausting
condition until death do them part;
[20] occurs where a man gets hooked by his own line;
[21] in America, is the only legal method of suppressing freedom of
speech;
[22] is made out of two toothbrushes but a single tube of toothpaste;
[23] is just a three-ring circus: engagement, wedding, and suffer;
[24] the process of finding out the kind of guy your wife would have
preferred;
[25] a condition where no wife gets what she expected, and no husband
expected what he was getting;
[26] the ceremony which provides a man with something that, sooner or
later, he will find he can't blame on the government;
[27] a tradition which would suffer considerably if men had to pay the
minister the same fee they will eventually have to pay the divorce lawyer;
[28] is much like a pair of shears, so joined so the parts cannot be
separated, often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing
anyone who tries to come between them;
[29] the continuous process of getting used to things you never expected;
[30] a status which depends upon two to be successful but only one to turn
into a failure;
[31] is a book in which the first chapter is written in poetry and the
rest of the pages is prose;
[32] a bargain, and a sensible person understands that someone must get
the better of any bargain;
[33] in Japanese is called "Judo" - the art of conquering by yielding.
This is the western equivalent of "Yes, dear";
[34] a confrontation which always demands the greatest understanding of
the subtle art of insincerity possible between two human beings;
[35] is not a word, but a sentence;
[36] a delightful form of combat where you get to sleep with the enemy;
[37] an investment that pays big dividends if you manage to keep up the
interest.
These marriage definitions are just 37 of 5,000+ definitions appearing in
Quinn's Devious Dictionary. Available from him at words@iop.com for $25
(postage paid) in the USA. Follow this link to see the first chapter.
The following was adapted from Speaker's Sourcebook II by Glenn Van
Ekeren:
Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been
looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.
--Sam Levenson
What you are as a single person, you will be as a married person, only
to a greater degree. Any negative character trait will be intensified in a
marriage relationship, because you will feel free to let your guard down
-- that person has committed himself to you and you no longer have to
worry about scaring him off.
--Josh McDowell - Secrets of Loving
For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is
unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
--Bill Cosby
The kind of marriage you make depends upon the kind of person you are.
If you are a happy, well-adjusted person, the chances are your marriage
will be a happy one. If you have made adjustments so far with more
satisfaction than distress, you are likely to make your marriage and
family adjustments satisfactorily. If you are discontented and bitter
about your lot in life, you will have to change before you can expect to
live happily ever after.
--Evelyn Duvall and Reuben Hill - - When You Marry
Marriage -- as its veterans know well -- is the continuous process of
getting used to things you hadn't expected.
--Tom Mullen
The middle years of marriage are the most crucial. In the early years,
spouses want each other and in late years, they need each other.
--Rebecca Tilly
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism
of one, go ahead, get married.
--Katherine Hepburn
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing
-- and then marry him.
--Cher
Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom
when we love the ones we marry.
--Tom Mullen
"when two people are under the influence of the most violent, most
insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions. They are required
to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting
condition continuously until death do them part."
--George Bernard Shaw
Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are
always watching you. Robert Fulghum
****************
The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their
mother. Father Theodore Hesburgh
***************
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you
are, but how you deal with incompatibility. Leo Tolstoy
****************
I didn't marry you because you were perfect. I didn't even marry you
because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise.
That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up
for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that
made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn't a
house that protected them; and it wasn't our love that protected them - it
was that promise. Thornton Wilder, The Skin of Our Teeth **************
Get Married
Stay Married
What a concept. The Snipe
***************
Love is a feeling, Marriage is a contract, and a Relationship is work. Lori Gordon
***************
One advantage of marriage, it seems to me, is that when you fall out of
love with each other, it keeps you together until maybe you fall in again.
Judith Viorst
*****************
Ann Meara of the comedy team Stiller and Meara observed awhile ago in a
New York Times interview of her 30-plus year marriage, "Was it love at
first sight? It wasn't then but it sure is now." New York Times
*****************
For most people, a life lived alone, with passing strangers or passing
lovers, is incoherent and ultimately unbearable. Someone must be
there to know what we have done for those we love. Frank Pittman
****************
As we work to strengthen marriage on a societal level, we must not neglect
our own marriages. What good will it be for a man if he strengthens all
the marriages in the community and loses his own way? Mayor Bill Hardiman, chair, Greater Grand Rapids
Community Marriage Policy
****************
Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.
Albert Schweitzer
****************
Commitment has kind eyes. He wears sturdy shoes. Everything is vivid
when he is around. It is wonderful to sit and have lunch in his
gardens around harvest time. You
can taste in the vegetables that the soil has been cared for. J. Ruth Gendler ***************
I think a man and a woman should choose each other for life, for the
simple reason that a long life with all its accidents is barely enough
time for a man and a woman to understand each other and. . . To understand
- is to love." John Butler Yeats
*****************
The First Bond of Society is Marriage. Cicero
****************
You need only do three things in this country to avoid poverty -
finish high school,
marry before having a child, and marry after the age of 20. Only 8 percent
of the families who do this are poor; 79 percent of those who fail to do
this are poor. William Galston, Clinton White House *************
There is nothing more admirable than two people who see eye-to-eye keeping
house as man and wife, confounding their enemies, and delighting their
friends. Homer, 9th century BC
*****************
Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but
in looking outward together in the same direction. Antoine De Saint-Exupery
****************
Love the family! Defend and promote it as the basic cell of human society;
nurture it as the prime sanctuary of life. Give great care to the
preparation of engaged couples and be close to young married couples, so
that they will be for their children and the whole community an eloquent
testimony of God's love. Pope John Paul II, 2001
*****************
If we are serious about renewing fatherhood, we must be serious about
renewing marriage. . . . Healthy marriages are not always possible.
But we must remember, they are incredibly important for children.
Our hearts know this and our nation must recognize this. None of us is
perfect. And so no marriage and no family is perfect. After all, we
all are human. Yet, we need fathers and families precisely because
we are human. We all live, it is said, in the shelter of one
another. And our urgent hope is one of the oldest hopes of humanity,
to turn the hearts of children toward their parents, and the hearts of
parents toward their young. President George W. Bush, June 7, 2001
*****************
It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the
marriage that sustains your love. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, writing
to a young bride and groom from his prison cell in
Nazi Germany in 1943
*****************
Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up. Joseph Barth
****************
Marriage is one long conversation, checkered with disputes. Robert Louis Stevenson
*****************
We have a group of...very passionate, romantic couples. They sort of
enjoy...the bickering and the arguing... to them, it symbolizes real
involvement and connection. John Gottman, PhD, on
observations at his U. of Washington "Love Lab"
************************
Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny
threads, which sew people together through the years. Simone Signoret
***************
Any fool can have a trophy wife. It takes a real man to have a
trophy marriage. Diane Sollee
***************
Optimism is America's birthright.... There is no social problem Americans
dare not attack. No problem, that is, except one: about marriage, and
marriage alone, we despair. Maggie Gallgher
***************
As I've been saying for maybe thirty years: "It is necessary but
insufficient to stay
married for the children's sake. It is also necessary to stay happily
married for the
children's sake." I'm so glad someone noticed that marriage doesn't
have to make
you miserable. It is just so easy to be happy I don't understand why it
isn't more popular. Frank Pittman, MD
****************
Love is no assignment for cowards. Ovid
****************
My heart is ever at your service. William Shakespeare
****************
Marriage isn't supposed to make you happy - it's supposed to make you
married. Frank Pittman
****************
Marriage isn't supposed to make you happy - it's your job to make your
marriage happy. Diane Sollee
****************
The development of a really good marriage is not a natural process. It is
an achievement. David and Vera Mace
****************
The challenge is to help couples turn "I Do" into "We Can." Scott Stanley, PhD
***************
They haven't found Mr. Right. Maybe there's just a Mr. OK or Mr.
Pretty Good. Linda Waite, PhD, coauthor of "The Case for
Marriage"
******************
Getting married is the boldest and most idealistic thing that most of us
will ever do. Maggie Gallgher, coauthor of "The Case for
Marriage"
******************
Being married is like having somebody permanently in your corner, it feels
limitless, not limited. Gloria Steinem, 2000, upon marrying for the first
time at age 66
******************
Love doesn't commit suicide. We have to kill it. Diane Sollee
***************
Why would a couple that lives and sleeps together every night
need dates and rituals? Precisely because they live and sleep
together. Bill Doherty, author of Take Back Your Marriage
**************
Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take
out the trash. Dr. Joyce Brothers
***************
I often wonder when the wedding couple will realize just how much
hard work they've taken on by consecrating that quirky emotion
called love into the formal tie of marriage. Lois Smith Brady, NY Times "Vows" columnist
***************
They do not love who do not show their love. William Shakespeare
***************
As much as I would miss my wife if she were to die, I would miss
what we are
together even more. Our "we-ness" our "us-ness." Carl Whitaker, family therapy pioneer
*****************
When there are kids involved, there's no such thing as divorce. Carl Whitaker
*****************
Once it's established that we are a team, I can demand of you and expect
you to
demand of me. Life without pain is an addiction and the fantasy of
perpetual happiness
is like the "delusion of fusion." Carl Whitaker *****************
There is a proverb. "As you have made your bed, so you must lie in
it, " which
is simply a lie. If I have made my bed uncomfortable, please God, I
will make it
again. G.K. Chesterson
(after learning some marriage skills, we assume is what he
means...) **************
Even with all the problems of nuclear families, I will support it as an
institution until something better comes along. David Blankenhorn **************
All those "and they lived happily ever after" fairy tale endings need to
be changed to 'and they began the very hard work of making their
marriages happy.'" Linda Miles, coauthor of The New Marriage
**************
Stephen Covey was asked after a speech about how to forgive someone
who has committed adultery. He said the question made him
think of the old prayer, "Oh Lord, let me forgive those who sin
differently than I do." Stephen Covey, author of 7 Habits of Highly
Effective Families **************
What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each
other? George Eliot *************
Be presidents of each other's fan clubs. Tony Heath *************
Love is a four-letter word spelled T-I-M-E. anonymous *************
People change and forget to tell each other. Lillian Hellman *************
As a country, we need to find a way to fund marriage-rescue help with
'insurance'
or something. Marriage Insurance - what a concept! Marriage
license fees could
triple and they might cover such a thing! Judy Parejko, www.DivorceResourceCenter.com *************
Advocates of easy divorce say: How cruel it is to keep people tied
together when they are not happy! It's true that all restraints are in a
sense cruel, but without the sturdy fence, the bawling cattle in the
pasture would be destroying themselves in the green corn and damp alfalfa.
And so it is with the restraints on divorce. Fred Hanson, Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act,
commissioner expressing disapproval of changing from a 'fault-based' to a
'no-fault' system of divorce, 1970 *************
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures
through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7 *************
It is dangerous for women to romanticize the typical alternatives to
marriage. Most unmarried parents do not live together and most
nonresident fathers pay little child support. Women are providing a much
higher proportion of the financial support of children than previously.
Thus, in the new low-marriage regime, compared to the old regime, women
are still providing most of the labor inputs to children and are providing
much more of the financial support for children. Paul England, Marriage, the Costs of Children and
Gender Inequality *************
Marriage, families, all relationships are more a process of learning the
dance rather than finding the right dancer. Paul Pearsall *************
One of the Secrets of a Great Marriage: The Best Gift I Ever Received
by Bob Burg - (click
to read, this great piece is too long to include here.)
**************** ACCEPT - the secret of a good marriage.
Attraction
Communication
Commitment
Enjoyment
Purpose
Trust Anonymous
**************** The Beauty of Love:
The question is asked, "Is there anything more beautiful in life than a
young couple clasping hands and pure hearts in the path of
marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young
love?" And the answer is given. "Yes, there is a more
beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an
old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands
are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are seamed, but still radiant;
their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love
and devotion for one another. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing
than young love. Old love."
- Anonymous
****************
In one of his famous Lake Woebegon monologues, humorist GarrisonKeillor described a long married couple. Every night the husband
consumed a generous portion of the same menu offering. (Breaded veal
cutlets as I recall). Every night over the course of four decades,
the husband devoured the cutlets, wiped his face with a napkin, pushed his
chair away from the table and looked his wife in they eye. He smiled
at her and spoke in a tender voice, "That's the best you've ever done."
It may sound monotonous to you, but to her his words of appreciation
sounded like sweet music. Norm Bales, All About Families ************* The Straw Theory applied to the Marriage Movement:
What we have to keep in mind is that the marriage movement is a
process, not an event. Each of us has to do the small part we are
able to do. Collectively, these small steps will make a big
difference.
I am a great believer in what I call "the straw theory of life."
You have obviously heard the phrase: "the straw that broke the camel's
back." Question: what causes the back to break? Answer: the
back is already loaded down with straw and that last straw is one too
many. I believe each of us is obligated to throw our "straw" on this
problem. If we don't, the pile will never build up and the "last
straw" the one that "breaks the camel's back" will never be reached.
I see this effort next Thursday to organize the Michigan Mediation Project
as simply an opportunity to throw a straw.
The good news is I can see more and more straws being thrown. It
is a long, slow, tedious effort, but the pile is growing. What
we have to do is not get discouraged, but keep throwing our straw at every
opportunity. Judge Jim Sheridan *************
The Time is Now
If you are ever going to love me,
Love me now, while I can know
The sweet and tender feelings
Which from true affection flow.
Love me now
While I am living.
Do not wait until I'm gone
And then have it chiseled in marble,
Sweet words on ice-cold stone.
If you have tender thoughts of me,
Please tell me now.
- Anonymous
**************** And You Wonder *Why* It Didn't Last
She married him because he was such a "strong man"
She divorced him because he was such a "dominating male."
He married her because she was so "fragile and cute."
He divorced her because she was so "weak and helpless."
She married him because "he is a good provider."
She divorced him because "all he thinks about is business."
He married her because "she reminds me of my mother."
He divorced her because "she's getting more like her mother every day."
She married him because he was "happy and romantic."
She divorced him because he was "shiftless and fun-loving."
He married her because she was "steady and sensible."
He divorced her because she was "boring and dull."
She married him because he was "the life of the party."
She divorced him because "he's a party boy."
- Anonymous
**************** On Valentine's Day
An old man got on a bus one February 14th,
carrying a dozen
roses. He sat beside a young man. The young
man looked at
the roses and said, "Somebody's going to get a
beautiful
Valentine's Day gift."
"Yes," said the old man.
A few minutes went by and the old man noticed
that his young
companion was staring at the roses. "Do you have
a
girlfriend?" the old man asked.
"I do," said the young man. "I'm going
to see her right
now, and I'm going to give her this Valentine's Day
card."
They rode in silence for another 10 minutes,
and then the
old man got up to get off the bus. As he stepped
out into
the aisle, he suddenly placed the roses on the young
man's
lap and said, "I think my wife would want you to have
these.
I'll tell her that I gave them to you."
He left the bus quickly. As the bus
pulled away, the young
man turned to see the old man enter the gates of a
cemetery.
-
Anonymous
Marriage (humor)
You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable, or get
married and wish you were dead.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You
order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish
you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your
wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other women replied, "Yes I am, I
married the wrong man."
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when
I married you." She replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't
notice."
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". The next day
she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
have mine."
The bride, upon getting engaged, went to her mother and said, "I've found
a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me,
sympathy?"
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let
her keep him.
Eighty per cent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Young Son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know
his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until
I got married; by then it was too late."
A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a
millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. A Second
marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word
you say, talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with
the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
According to the latest surveys, when making love, most married men
fantasize that their wives aren't fantasizing.
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry
done for free.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once.
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your
parachute.
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky,
mine's still alive."
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful
If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money
to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked the children in my
Sunday School class. "NO!" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the
church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would
that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO!" "Well, then, if I
was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife,
would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again. Again, they all
answered, "NO!" "Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" A
five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"
